EVOLVE back in time

“I don’t want PRIMATE to be seen as a restaurant. It is a natural concept” says ELDHO PACHILAKKADAN, OWNER of the first raw foods eatery in Kerala. Walk into Primate and somehow, you feel at ease. The room is airy, bright and boasts of a certain natural setting that many restaurants lack nowadays.

Eldo is part of TNHS-The Travancore Natural History Society, an NGO that conducts bio diversity surveys; studying the food, habitat and life cycles of various species; the findings of which have coxed him to turn to a naturalist movement. An architect by profession, it took Eldho 5 years to shift to a way of life that looks to a harmonious co-existence with nature.

“Nature has a deep relation with food. Every animal has a duty. Take for example pollination. The way we live right now throws off the delicate balance of nature. Not many people understand the alarming facts. Animals generally are quite healthy upon inspection. This is because they derive their nourishment directly from nature. This is where we humans suffer a lapse. When we process the food nature provides us through cooking, we lose sight of our position in the cycle.” explains Eldho.

Several customers who visit Primate out of curiosity have become regulars; each with a different purpose. Be it weight loss, detox or a plain communion with nature, Primate holds the key and all of its customers have embraced the concept with absolute delight! “We live in a kill and survive environment; mostly because those are the skills that have been handed down to us. If only we tried to grasp our environmental role, we would be able to live harmoniously  along with nature.”

According to Edho, food is a medium through which stories could be conveyed. It is a basic necessity without any secrets. Food, he says, should never hold any secrets. With this thought in mind, Primate hosts classes that help customers understand how to best prepare raw food without losing any vital nutrients. The Primate Kitchen uses only organically grown produce with nut milk substitutes for cow’s milk. What I found most interesting was the artistic creation of similar tastes. A lot of taste testing went into each of the offerings at Primate in order to make them resemble their counterparts made using milk, cheese, meat and cooked foods.

“A vegan is different from a naturalist” says Eldho “Naturalists understand what man is and his role in the environment and lives accordingly.” Cochin being Eldho’s hometown, seemed like the best place to start something as unique, what with the multitude of concept restaurants mushrooming everywhere. Apart from serving raw foods, Eldho dishes out a side of philosophy which many customers listen to in rapt attention. 

“Three families have already shifted to the naturalist movements” says Eldho with a big smile “all our staff members are also naturalists. I was a non-vegetarian with an intense love for pork, but shifting to a naturalist way of life has been a calling. I cannot move from something I believe in. Keeping requirements of people in mind, we have also introduced biriyanis which are cauliflower based with dried onions, nuts, raisins, broccoli and carrots. We have patrons who swear by it!”

Food can be identified using just our senses. Our powers of sight, smell, touch and taste; that is the natural way of identifying edible foods. “One needs to change the environment through one’s diet. It is not just the food habits but the overall lifestyle and outlook as such that needs a change. We need to become more attuned to nature.” Says Eldho.

Eldho brings out an array of delights for me to review.  I start with a delightful and tangy lime cooler replete with the luscious full bodied honey.

I can’t tell you how big a fan I am of their spring rolls! A yum medley of fruit and vegetables wrapped in crunchy lettuce leaves. Dip into their chunky and piquant house made tomato ketchup and get set for some firecrackers exploding in your mouth!

The taco salad was a thing of beauty! A delicious nut based sauce mixed into some chunks sweet papaya, pineapple and juicy vegetables topped with more of their house made tomato sauce.  Scooped onto a leaf of purple lettuce, each bite was absolute delight!

The happy cow salad was a tame little prince when compared to the fiery queen I had before. A creamy mix of chopped up veges was filling and quite mellow on the tummy!

 My utmost favorite I’d have to say, was the crudité with labneh! Labneh is traditionally made from Greek yoghurt; the Primate counterpart however is cashew based. It paired  beautifully with the 

succulent pieces of cucumber and peppers lifting the overall taste to a whole new amazing level!

We wrapped up the tasting with a trip of desserts: Cheesecake, choco-nut ball and cookie. I cannot believe how perfectly the tastes and textures of the desserts had been mimicked! The cheesecake was nut milk based, with a moist base of walnuts and raisins. I was floored by that choco-nut ball made with nuts, dates and cocoa, sprinkled with desiccated coconut. The cookie was moist and nutty drizzled with a rich dark chocolate sauce that could be lapped up on its own!

“I wouldn’t force anyone to change but I do pass on the message and hope logic strikes!” says Eldho in closing.

A Home away from Home!

“I didn’t advertise before opening AANGAN because I am someone who truly believes in word of mouth” says AJAI ASHOK, OWNER. And word of mouth seems to have worked really well for Aangan. When I visited the restaurant for the interview, it was packed; mostly with families. 

Like most individuals who carve a niche for themselves in the food industry, Ajai’s background is in no way related to food;  in fact, he is a Qatar based chartered account. He landed in Cochin with the sole intent of shifting his talents to business and the restaurant business was discovered to be one of the most lucrative options Ajai could turn to.

The ideal location for the restaurant took a little more time to lock in. “I felt that Palarivattom is developing rapidly and there were only 12-15 notable restaurants in this area. A proper multi cuisine restaurant that caters to families was absent and hence, I decided to fill this gap in format. Aangan is located in a large residential area with a lot of NRIs and this proved to be a huge market for the restaurant.” The response that Aangan received shows that Ajai has snapped shut that gap for a good family restaurant. Aangan also has a party hall that can accommodate upto 150 guests. Besides the walk ins, Aangan also has a delivery service of 5km radius. About 30% of their orders are home deliveries.

I was served a welcome drink the moment I arrived. This practice is for all guests mind you. It was a glass of Papaya juice but because of my allergies to the fruit, they were courteous enough to serve me a refreshing glass of lime mint cooler abuzz with a pleasing bite of ginger. As mentioned earlier, Ajai is a staunch believer of word of mouth advertising and he makes it a point to interact with all diners who come in. In fact, he has created a personal rapport with most of the repeat customers. The great ambience, reasonable cost and the exemplary service has most of the diners coming back in hoards. “I am not a foodie but I believe in providing the best food teamed with the best customer service. My mother is a fantastic cook hence I have learnt to appreciate good food. More importantly, I want my customers to feel a sense of comfort at Aangan.”

A market research of families who frequent restaurants revealed that most of them prefer a homely atmosphere even while dining outdoors. Most families want relatively quiet, clean settings with ample parking facilities. The most unique factor that Aangan has to offer is that almost 70% of the products used to prepare the dishes come from Ajai’s farms! Apart from the chicken and beef brought from outside vendors, curry powders, most of the vegetables, spices, coconut oil and seafood come from the family farms. Even the paneer and sauces are made in house. 

The goal behind this sort of a production method is to provide the customer with healthy, pesticide free food. Aangan serves seven types of cuisines; Kerala, Continental, Thai and Chinese to name a few (ajinomoto is not used while preparing any of the dishes). Apart from serving only whole wheat chapathies, the restaurant also avoids frozen foods as much as possible. “It is difficult to introduce healthy foods to customers. Many want the softness of maida breads over healthier wheat alternatives. Then again, everyone has individual tastes and so satisfying everyone will be out of the question. But yes, there are many customers who appreciate the sincere efforts taken.” Says Ajai.

The restaurant industry is one where there is constant learning, and Ajai is up to the challenge. He does all the purchasing for the restaurant and thanks to his supportive staff; he has been able to run the restaurant like a well-oiled machine.

I couldn’t wait to try out some of the dishes and my happy tummy was served masala batter fried prawns and squid to start off. The masala was a delightfully peppery one with a lovely crunch and oh my god the seafood! It was extremely fresh, soft and tender with absolutely no fishy after taste. It was the most amazing plate of seafood I had ever tasted! The freshness was outstanding!  Next up was a sample tandoori platter with portions of tandoori chicken, hariyali kebabs and malai kebabs. I have yet to taste such moist delectable kebabs! The kebabs were soft, easy to cut with just a fork and not drowning in marinade. The marinade, ground from fresh herbs without any food colouring was delicious on its own as well! I really liked the fact that I could taste the succulence of the chicken all the way to the last bite. The house made mint sauce paired really well with the tandoori chicken and it was such a refreshing delight!

The final dish I was served was the paneer butter masala with hot, buttery naans. Oh good lord! The paneer at Aangan is the stuff of legends! The gravy was rich and decadent with generous chunks of the softest, most delicate paneer I have ever had the pleasure of devouring! This is by far the best paneer butter masala I have had in Cochin! I haven’t enjoyed a meal this much in a long time!

“I want Aangan to be more than a restaurant chain. I want it to be an experience. I have in mind a plan to start restaurants with varied themes. I am exploring options regarding the same.” All the best Ajai! You’re sure to go a long way!

In DEEP SOUP...and LOVING it!

I’ve always loved soup! So much so that I wouldn’t mind having soup for all three meals (and even in between)! There is so much of edible cuddling that happens with that one bowl of joy! I’ve always been disheartened with the fact there was no food joint in Cochin that was dedicated to this liquid ambrosia! One fine day, however, luck finally became a lady and I came across the name THE SOUP SHOP in big bold letters on Facebook; I cried for joy people! Obviously I had to visit the place ASAP!

One fine evening found me climbing a slightly precarious, yet deeply romantic staircase covered with creeping vines and bedecked with fairy lights. The Soup Shop is a cozy little alcove with attractive furnishings done up in urban chic. I settle myself down and immerse myself in the décor. I loved the music that was playing, EDM with a few of the latest hits thrown in. All in all, it felt nice and homey.

I was joined by one of the owners of The Soup Shop, RAVI SANKAR. I was perplexed by his decision to enter the food industry when he had already made his presence felt in the world of cinema. Ravi tells me a rather enchanting story about his travel to the Northern Regions of the Himalayas during the Rani Padmini shoot. Pahadi goats were aplently there and most of the dishes they had were made from goat. Often during long drives, they would stop at small Tibetian style street shops were they were warmed in and out by a delicious mutton soup. Ravi and his group of three close friends had always wanted to try their hand at something creative, unique and definitely related to food. The mouth-watering soup that they enjoyed shifted their attention to a large gap in the Kerala market for such a concept. Thus began the thought process behind The Soup Shop.

Kerala has been experiencing a major start up boom and Ravi and his friends jumped headlong into it. “There is a growing category of people who want to try new and innovative things and we know for sure that there is a community that enjoys soup. We wanted to open a small, cozy place that caters to them” says Ravi.

The Soup Shop opened shop with a variety of soups, salads, open sandwiches and drinks. The menu was limited with the main intent of people exploring the varieties of soups available and of course the concept behind such an offering. There was a lot of research that went into designing the menu. Right from understanding the finicky Keralite palette to getting the right permutation and combination from a variety of soups across different cuisines. Both International and Indian flavours were introduced. Some of their soups that hit the right notes with a vast majority were the BROCCOLI SOUP, CHICKEN SHORBA, CRAB AND PEPPER SOUP and the BROWN ONION AND MUTTON SOUP.

“We went for online promotions. We went through Zomato, Eat Kochi Eat and other online platforms. In this day and age, word of mouth works wonders and that really helped build our customer base” shares Ravi. The push behind this concept is introducing a balanced area of healthy and delicious food. Comfort food that you can always turn to. Without a doubt, malayali tummies everywhere demanded to be filled to the brim and thus the menu was extended further to pastas, burgers and steaks. Quite amazingly, The Soup Shop does home deliveries. I can imagine myself curled up on the couch with a mug of warm soup in one hand and a book in the other! How lovely!

“A good mix of crowds come in. We have a lot of middle aged customers, 70% of which are ladies, who have soups and salads as part of their diets. But a lot of people also opt for our selection of cream based soups as well” Customer interaction is top priority with Ravi and the other owners. Not only does this act as an excellent feedback mechanism, it also helps build a loyal set of customers. Conceptually, The Soup Shop has been a right success. The idea behind the ambience was to create an aura of comfort and get the customer feeling relaxed and at home. “We wanted a simple, yet attractive place” adds Ravi.

“The love for soup needs to spread to more and more people. Our hashtag #soupculture aims to promote the same. Anytime you put up a picture featuring us, please do add this hashtag.”

I am ready to delve into some SOUP CULTURE myself as I am served an enormous bowl of their famous BROWN ONION AND MUTTON SOUP. It smelt like home. The soup was spectacular! Loads of minced mutton, beautifully caramelized and a spicy broth all harmoniously elevated with generous amounts of cracked pepper. If you have a cold and need a warm cuddle, please curl up with a big bowl of this deliciousness! I enjoyed every mouthful! Next up was the CHICKEN SHORBA. The medley of spices made my mouth water like a reflex! Chockfull with chunks of chicken, veges and coriander, it was a rather flavourful soup with an excellent base. I was also served their GRILLED CHICKEN SALAD. First off, I was happy to see that the dressing was served separately and secondly, the portions were great with huge hunks of chicken and fresh lettuce, peppers and olives. My palette felt refreshed!

“This idea sprouted from a craving that we had for soup. We similarly want you to crave our food as well. We give a 100% assurance of good taste as we put our heart and soul into all our soups” Well Ravi, you sure have me craving your yummy soups! Can’t wait to come back for more! Soup’s up!

KIDS in the KIDchen!

"That's pumpkin seeds, frozen banana and peanut butter! We're going to make smoothies and ice creams" announces a rather excited anika smiling all around. Her enthusiam is rather contagious!

When letsstalkfood walked into the kitchens at FRENCH TOAST, ten of the tiniest cooking enthusiasts you ever did see were busy chopping up a variety of vegetables in the best julienne style they could and wetting up rice paper to make some fresh veg rice paper rolls. There was a mise en place station lined with colourful bowls filled with vegetables and herbs. 

When KIDCHEN founders SANAA and JALAJA gave root to their project, little did they expect the kind of response and encouragement they would receive! Kidchen, a Bangalore based venture was brought about to inculcate a sense of culinary adventure amongst children. A variety of activities organized by Sanaa and Jalaja help children discover ingredients, flavours, much needed kitchen skills and the best of all, love for good food. “Helping kids develop a healthy attitude towards food is quite important to us” shares Jalaja.

The goodies on the menu were VEGETABLE RICE PAPER ROLLS, BANANA ICE CREAM and a healthy version of a FREAK SHAKE! Quite a handful for these little ones you might think but my god did they do a stunning job! Under constant supervision from the founders, the children, chopped up the vegetables (some even jumping up and down to name them all), wetted the rice paper rolls and quickly made lovely looking veg rolls. I asked a little Anitha for a bite of her perfectly made roll and she had this to say “I’m saving this for my mama!” How sweet!

Kidchen goes beyond cooking. It teaches children to create real meals with honest flavours. Children get to understand how different foods tastes, develop their science, math and motor skills; but most important of all, they learn how to work together, giving each other space and helping each other out. “At Kidchen, we encourage children to be curious about where their food comes from. Instead of restricting them, they have an opportunity to measure, chop, knead, whip, roll, count, grate, mix, follow instructions and lick their fingers” says Sanaa. Everything that I saw first hand!

Children are generally termed as being fussy eaters. This is probably because food has not been introduced to them in a delightful manner. Most children are made to sit in front of a plate of food and forced to finish every last crumb. This method might earn an empty plate but it also brings about a disinterest in understanding what makes good food and snaps the door shut on any culinary journey the child might go on. Kidchen aims at bringing children into a one on one mode with food and giving them control over their meals. Today the average amount of junk food children consume is alarming and Kidchen, with their workshops aims to create a dent in the growing trend. Cleverly incorporating vegetables and other healthy food items into forms they love, say spinach chips or carrot hummus is the kind of way this venture wants to go.

After the rice paper rolls were done, the children with utmost pride, cleared their work station themselves; mopping up any spilt water, throwing refuse into the bin provided and preparing themselves for the next dish. Sanaa lines up a few dishes on the work station and proceeds to tell the children about what NUT BUTTERS are. There were peanut, sunflower seed, cashew nut butters and the children were allowed to taste them all to determine what nut butter they liked the best (My favourite was the cashew!). 

Soon, the children chopped up bananas (using plastic knives) and guided by Jalaja, each of them had a go at the food processor. After the bananas were mashed up, they quickly placed them in the blast chiller to ready their banana ice cream! Then in wee bowls, more chopped banana was added and each child selected their favourite nut butter to mix in. Milk was poured in and the contents blitzed to mark the beginnings of the freak shake! 

The anticipation around me was absolutely palpable! While some of the tots filled their glasses with the shake, the others rushed to get their ice creams out of the chiller. How they jumped for joy when they discovered that it had achieved the perfect consistency! Sanaa and Jalaja then showed the kids how to decorate their glasses. The children skilfully lined their glasses with nut butter, sticking on delicious bites of caramel popcorn and pretty pink desiccated coconut. The delight on their faces was simply adorable!

There was such a sense of accomplishment and thrill that I unknowingly became part and parcel of the happy banter! Many of the kids saved their precious ice creams, shakes and rolls to share with their moms and dads and this gesture was simply wonderful. I think more than cooking skills or acquiring a love for food, children also learn the beautiful art of sharing.

The moment the parents walked in, the children ran to them holding up their prettily decorated glasses. How proud both parents and children were. I was so glad to have been part of that deliciously precious moment! I had the opportunity to speak to a couple of mothers while they enjoyed the treats their little ones had made for them. When asked about what they thought of the concept behind Kidchen “Absolutely! I think it is brilliant! Let them know what food is all about!” said one mum as she happily downed the freak shake. And when asked about how the ice cream and shake tasted “Healthy and very nice! I wouldn’t mind giving these to my children often!”

Sanaa and Jalaja, what a fantastic initiative! As mother to a two year old who shows an inclination towards cooking, I can’t wait for the next Kidchen workshop in Cochin!

Sanaa is a writer, passionate cook and is mama to a gorgeous little one. Free time always finds her cuddling under a blanket with a bottle of homemade peanut butter!

Jalaja is a writer and biker who loves to explore places and its wealth of people, music, culture, cuisine and experiences. She is currently learning to play a trumpet!

Follow Kidchen on: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kidchenbangalore/

                                Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kidchen.in/

For enquiries on their next classes and workshops call: 9916660328, 9986663214

Walk inn hungry...Walk out happy!

“Tummy full and value for money! That’s our motto” says BABU DINESH, OWNER, WALK INN DINER at Panampilly Nagar. When Letsstalkfood was invited to review Walk Inn Diner, I had misjudged Babu’s effervescence over the phone. He bubbled over with sheer energy and proclaimed to be a proper Mumbaikar with his Heart set in Kerala. He further surprised me by speaking impeccable Malayalam whilst introducing himself and his food venture.

With an MBA in Marketing and Finance, Babu was always involved in his family business of garments and textiles manufacturing and export in Tirupur. He first tested waters with a popular establishment in the year 2000. Fan Fang was a well-received Chinese restaurant that had presence both in Mumbai and Cochin.

With over 10 years of experience in the restaurant business, the idea of starting a food venture with a unique offering, led to a re launch with Walk Inn Diner . “Our basic concept is to invite everyone to simply drop in, relax and have some delicious food” states Babu. The diner was first located on the Ground floor with about 4 tables serving sandwiches, burgers and a variety of drinks and desserts; it was a small set up with people thronging at their doors for their signature club sandwich. Post renovations, Walk inn Café has shifted one floor up with more seating area and a promise of a wider variety of cuisines: combo lunches and dinners, burgers, shakes, sandwiches, hot dogs, wraps and rolls

The café looks at providing its customers good value for their money. Quality, hygiene and taste are factors of equal importance. Babu feels that residents of Cochin are careful about where they spend their money. Even if it is to buy a glass of juice, one needs to feel completely satisfied and only then will that glass of juice get a repeat order. The same principle is followed here as well. Walk Inn Café delivers tasty food that is worth every penny! Tried, tasted and approved.

Pepper Chicken Burger

When asked about the USP of the café, Babu summed it up in one word “MINT”. “All of our dishes have incorporated mint in some form. That is what sets us apart.” I’d have to agree. I love mint! It tastes so fresh and vibrant and truly gives a different dimension to the dish it is used in! In fact, their their MINT-MAYO condiment is so popular, it has to be re made every 10-15 minutes! “We don’t keep sauces for a long time. We ensure that the house made sauces that we serve are made to order and are extremely fresh!” 

Mint Mayo Dip

The obvious next question would be why mint? We foodies have an arsenal of digestion abetting pills and liquids to aid us on our gastronomic journey and I’ve always felt most relief while consuming Pudin Hara. So yes, aiding healthful digestion was one of the aims of introducing mint into the menu. “I have noticed how people feel totally stuffed and bloated after consuming fast food and snacks and I want to eradicate this trend. I want the food I serve to be flavourful and light on the tummy.” I was assured that I would not feel the least bit stuffy or heavy after the tasting. “Let’s see” I thought to myself!

Babu has all his cheeses imported and vegetables and fruits brought in daily. Every part of the diner is inspected personally by him. I have done quite a few interviews and this was the first time a restaurant owner asked me to check out his kitchen and work area. My assessment? A place for everything and everything in its place. “Concern for quality is my biggest vice. I am stringent when it comes to the place being neat and the food we serve being of the best quality. I run a tight ship” he states simply.

Mix Double Cheesy Wrap with chicken and egg

I loved the personal rapport that Babu has with all his customers. Customers who walk in chat with him for a few minutes, place their order and leave all smiles. This personal interaction really helps cement the diner in the minds of its recurrent customers. Apart from the walk ins, there are quite a few delivery orders; especially for their sandwiches. “We have the office going crowd in during lunch time and after 5 in the evening, delivery orders start coming in. We also undertake party orders. Our best sellers would be our Walk inn CLUB SANDWICH and the Walk Inn SPECIAL BURGER which we have in both chicken and beef variants. We also have wraps and milkshakes, a popular one would be the KIT KAT SHAKE. However, we don’t serve aerated drinks.” Says Babu

Walk Inn Club Sandwich

At this point his mother Jaya walks in. The masterchef behind the recipes; especially that of the mayo mint dip, Jaya aunty was a bubby personality, full of life and enthusiasm. Chatting up with her, gave me a glimpse into how she discovered her cooking talents. Year after year of making goodies for her children’s birthday parties and the wonderful reception they received helped her understand where her potential lay. She’s been a rock hard support in the development of every aspect at Walk Inn Diner.

Chicken Chatpata Sandwich

With the Diner shifted to the first floor, branding exercises have begun in full swing, mainly over digital media. With the aim to create individuality and appeal in the minds of discerning customers, Walk Inn Diner has a vast menu that journeys across the orient apart from its offerings of sandies, burgers and other treats.

Honey Chilli Fries

Babu presented a selection of sandwiches and some Asian dishes to review. The CHICKEN CHATPATA SANDWICH was just as the name signified. Apart from the fresh tasting, homemade chicken patty, there was a layer of delicious potato filling that was absolutely lip-smacking! The second sandwich I tried was their famous WALK INN CHICKEN CLUB SANDWICH. A word of caution…do NOT be fooled by the size of this sandwich…it packs a sizeable punch! With layers of chicken, veges and egg, this sandwich left me with my happy face. What I liked best was that every bite was loaded with freshness! And yes, as Babu had said, it left my tummy happy, not heavy. I also tried the HONEY CHILLI POTATO FRIES. The fries were sufficiently crisp, thoroughly mixed with a honey and chilli based sauce. I would have liked a little more crispiness and a lot more of that sweet honey but it was a good dish none the less. The LEMONGRASS CHICKEN was something I was dreading because I am not a fan of lemongrass. Fortunately for me, the dish was more about the succulent, well-cooked pieces of chicken and the spicy sauce with just a hint of lemongrass at the end. Lemongrass fanatics need to dig into the gravy as it contained a good amount of chopped up lemon grass. 

Lemon Grass Chicken

But the one item that I have to say stood out the most was their MINT MAYO DIP. Oh my god! It was pure heaven! I could not get enough of it! In fact, I wanted to smother it on everything! I mean, what was there not to love? The creaminess of mayo marries perfectly with the freshness of mint and that final sprinkling of chilli flakes to add a little fire make a perfect little dip!

“Branding is our future agenda” says Babu “We want our food to speak for itself. Yes, we will be pushing our brand through various arenas but at the end of the day, our food should have the final say. We have re vamped our menu but we have stuck to being a simple café that delivers good taste”. All the very best Babu! Letsstalkfood can’t wait to “WALK INN” again (especially for that mint mayo dip!)

Walk Inn Diner is located at: Main Avenue, Panampilly Nagar, 1^st floor, Opposite to Bank of Baroda       

Types of waiters

We all love eating out. Good food, great ambience, the whole deal. Many a time however, just one single word makes us pooh pooh a perfectly nice looking restaurant with great food. That word is SERVICE! Oh come on admit it! We all love to be waited on hand and foot, we all love to be pampered, we all love feeling special...and many a time we are left sorely disappointed! Presenting *cue music* types of WAITERS!

1) The Stoner

Ask this waiter a question and he looks at you all zombie like. There is absolutely no reaction. It's almost like he wants you to stick your fingers down his throat and pull out the answer. They just stare at you until you go "okkk" and swallow you question whole. Then they saunter off in a stoned to the moon fashion. I mean it's not arrogance at all...it's just a complete lack of interest. I had an open mouthed staring match with a stoner and i ended up forgetting why i even entered the restaurant in the first place!

2) Clumsy clod

Most of the time, the clumsiness is not their fault. Not all people are born with a ballet spoon in their mouths! I trip and fall all over the place but when it comes to carrying food over to someone, i have my tongue sticking out, my forehead crinkled and my eyes looking constantly at the food without batting a lid. I hold the tray so tight you'd probably need a crowbar to pry my hands off!
But this waiter oh heavens alive! The way he holds delicate china full of soup makes me want to hold a mattress under him. And the way he wobbles, you know he is going to spill it, but does he pay heed to your warning gulps? No! He continues to slup soup everywhere except into the soup bowl! I've had half a bowl of tomato soup sluped down a rather nice white lace top of mine. Mr. Clumsy was too shocked to even say sorry! I was sorry enough for the both of us!

3) Rude as F

These waiters are adept at making their customers exit even quicker than their entrance. These guys are unbelievably rude. Right from blank faces to tossing the menu at your face to not bothering to answer any questions to pretending to ignore you to taking forever with your order to throwing the food on your table to not even bothering to Serve to brandishing angry glares if anyone complaints to asking you to vacate your table even before you have finished. To these waiters I have only one question. Why the hell are you a waiter?

4) Snooty booty

These waiters are not to be confused with the rude as F waiters. The snooty booties can easily be identified by their impeccable manners and signature nose-in-the-air-why-do-you-even-exist-peasant-look. Once while dining at a five-star restaurant I happened to pronounce the French name of a dish wrong. The waiter gave me such a condescending look that I wanted to drown myself in the bouillabaisse he served me with a scoff. Needless to say, the french food pronunciations dictionary was turned on that night.

5)The monica

The Monicas can almost be called my family, for i too have an innate need to clean non-stop. It is a little annoying though when cleaning happens right next to you while you are putting a piece of dosa into your mouth! This one time I had a rather enthusiastic waiter actually lift my plate up to wipe my table! I was thoroughly shocked but decided to hang my mouth open in horror lest he shove his rubber gloved hand into my mouth to clean the half masticated food! The restaurant always looked sterile enough for surgeries but unfortunately not for eating.

6) Finger in each pie

These waiters have an uncontrollable urge to touch the food they serve! A caress to the idli, a pinch to the dosa, a finger in the dipping sauce. Shuddering, i point out and i'm left with an unapologetic sorry and the very same dish. At this one hotel, when I complained about my lime juice tasting weird, The waiter had the gall to sip the drink from my glass right in front of me at my table. I spluttered my complaint to the manager and all that idiot said was "you did complain about the juice!" What? What??

7) Dr jekyll Mr hyde

These waiters as the name suggests have absolutely erratic personalities. One minute they are sweet, welcoming and courteous and the next minute you sit there with bug eyes as they slap the menus down and growl menacingly if you ask them to read out the specials. I don't even know what's up with these people. The "good cop, bad cop" routine goes on until you are not even sure which dimension you live in. I learnt to turn tail when I come across such characters, after all, i don't want to spend my dinner playing freud!

8) Bullet train

So this is the type of waiter you will regret asking to list out the days specials. "Masaladosaravaidlipooribajjivadapaav" took a while to read that yes? Imagine trying to listen and decipher? Tough! All i could muster was "eh"?? So obviously my hungry self asked him to repeat what he said. "Masaladosaravaidlipooribajjivadapaav" came out again. Alright then. I settled for a nice deep breath and some coffee!

9) Cupid interrupted

Imagine a totally romantic setting. You and your boyfriend are holding hands and gazing into each others eyes when, "GOOD EVENING! MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?" booms this particular waiter. Deeply annoyed faces doesn't even cause him to flinch! So somehow you manage to send him away and you get back to coziness when, "MAY I SHOW YOU OUR SELECTION OF WINES" so you grit your teeth into dust and order a wine and get back to lovey dovey mode. You reach in for a kiss when "WILL YOU BE HAVING THE DUCK OR CHICKEN TONIGHT?" So all in all the ongoing theory is that this particular breed were sent from parent heavens to act as roving eyes! How else would they so dexterously block cupid all the time?

Have you come across more interesting specimens? If so let me know and we could have types of waiters part two!!